Strange

It's really strange how the same thing - the same chain of events, the same prospects appear so drastically different to me now, than they did a few weeks ago. I was very okay with my masters, with my plans of going to a better school abroad, and such. Now it feels very bleak. I'm not necessarily pessimistic about my chances, I just feel jaded. I don't see the point, and I feel like I'm stuck in a rut. Admissions, exams, more exams, graduate. Admissions, exams, graduate. Admission, graduate. Admissions, graduate. Admissions, graduate. Is that all my life is going to be?

11/06/17

I'm becoming increasingly disillusioned with my own strength. What good is it to boast having beat depression multiple times, if you have had to beat it multiple times? It keeps coming back. Maybe I haven't beat it and just firmly asked it to stay away. I find myself feeling very lonely lately. I distrust friends, my family. I know this has all happened before, I know it's just a phase before things get better, or worse. But that doesn't stop the thoughts. But at least exercise helps. It helps quite a lot, actually. I'm glad I go to the gym almost every day. It gives me some peace of mind.